im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
