Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
