i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
