This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
