he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
