he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
