I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
