nutella sex= disaster
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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