My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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