I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
