i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
