VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
