So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
