Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
