You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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