oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize