id be glad to
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
