is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
