I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
