Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
