Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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