I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
