I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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