I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
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obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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