It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
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he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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