her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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