This girl is more easily done than said...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
