the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
