I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
