So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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