I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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