I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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