pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
