The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
