Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
