dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
