Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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