that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
