btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
