Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
