TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize