i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Soap is not a condiment
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
