We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
