Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
