WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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