I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
