So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
