You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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