Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
