sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
