That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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