Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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