Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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