I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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