My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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