Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
