i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
