Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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