I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize