why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
