How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
