can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
