Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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