Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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